| It’s not easy being the most highly-coveted Running Back in the WDFL. It is widely speculated that Priest Holmes will be the number one pick in this year’s upcoming draft held by the Eureka Garlic, but several other candidates are making their cases. Running backs, LaDanian Tomlinson and Clinton Portis have both sent age-referencing packages to the Garlic front office inferring that Mr. Holmes is past his prime. Tomlinson sent the team a wooden walking stick with the number ‘31’ carved out of it packaged along with a 24-karat gold lightning bolt with a number “21” and the message “no brainer” engraved in it. Portis was quick to point out in a personalized letter (written in multi-colored crayons) that he was merely 15 years old when Holmes entered his first NFL season. He also sent along a picture of himself taken at “Camp Yakama“ in Toppenish, Washington with the note “I like you. Do you like me?” written on the back.
Quarterback Daunte Culpepper is also pleading his case to the Garlic front office. Having led the Garlic to the playoffs last season, Culpepper believes he is ready to produce beyond his outstanding performance of last season. His agent has pointed out that Culpepper was the second-highest scoring QB in the league while only playing in 11 games, several of which, were with a bad back. Peyton Manning, who scored only 3 more points than Culpepper did all season, had 13 games under his belt. With both players’ averages projected out to 14 regular season games, Culpepper would have scored 26.6 more points than Manning (187.6 vs. 161).
With all this speculation, the Garlic front office has announced that they are now entertaining trade offers for the number one pick. According to Glenn Scott, Eureka’s Vice President of Player Personnel, the team is looking for a “significant” proposal to consider. When asked if he was off his rocker, Mr. Scott responded, “We’re dead serious about this. We’ve even hung banners around the office with the tagline, ‘Who does number 1 work for?’ to remind us that nothing is a lock in this league.”
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